Red One is everything wrong with modern-day Hollywood

Red One is a combination of genres that’s rarely seen on the big screen. The film asks the question: “What do you get when you cross Action, Comedy, and the Holiday Season?” The answer is a movie that’s lost under the weight of its own budget as it desperately searches for an audience.

The movie features big names the average movie watcher will recognize, shoved in a holiday-themed version of Taken. Santa (J.K. Simmons) is kidnapped by the winter witch Gryla (Kiernan Shipka) less than 48 hours before he delivers presents across the world. It’s up to Santa’s bodyguard Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson) and master tracker/naughty-list-member Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans) to find him and save Christmas. 

The plot of Red One feels more fitting of a kids movie than a PG-13 action comedy. In fact, during my watch, the only reason I could find for its rating were a few swears and a few shots featuring women in bikinis. The action is incredibly tame; there’s no blood, death, or even cries of pain. Even the movie’s most John Wick-like scene fights are populated with holiday-themed stun guns and tasers. 

Here lies one of my many problems with the movie: it refuses to stick to an audience. If they went harder into the action and toned up the suspense, I can see the movie being a decent action blockbuster. On the other hand, if they took out the swearing, it would pass as a half-decent family Christmas movie. The movie tries to adhere to both of these genres at the same time but, in doing so, alienates both audiences. A person looking to watch an adult action movie may glean some enjoyment from the action but could be deterred by the kids movie-esque plot. People looking for a family holiday movie may be a fan of the plot but won’t be a fan of the action. By trying to appeal to both groups at the same time, it creates a movie that appeals to neither of them at the same time.

Beyond the confused tone, what stands out the most about Red One is simply how corporate it seems. The movie feels less like a product of passionate writers and artists and more like a product of executives trying to increase ticket sales. While it’s true that all movies want to be financially successful, Red One feels like it was grown in a lab to sell tickets. It has all the hallmarks of a movie driven by profit. 

Most prominently, it has a cast full of recognizable actors who play characters you’ve seen them play before. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson plays the muscular tough guy, Lucy Liu plays the no-nonsense mission handler, and Chris Evans Plays an expert thief who quips like he’s back under a Marvel contract. The only character I somewhat enjoyed was J.K. Simmons as Santa, which was unfortunate because he spends most of the movie kidnapped. It feels like most of the actors were chosen because they’re recognizable and could bring in crowds, not because of their ability to play a role — a problem that’s plagued animated movies in the past few years but feels even more soulless when you can see the same face you’ve seen in at least three other movies.

Another element of the movie’s corporate nature is the plot. While the world and lore of Red One feel unique, the story told within feels formulaic and has elements that are almost directly lifted from other Christmas or action movies. There’s a gadget that Callum uses in a fight that acts 1:1 with the shrinking tech found in Antman, and the framing concept of “people are becoming less and less nice to each other” has been done so many times (by remarkably better movies) that it comes off as cliché instead of genuine social commentary. Furthermore, it struck me as ironic that the movie has scenes with characters criticizing holiday consumerism when less than a half hour later the movie features blatant product placement in the form of Matel’s Hot Wheels, Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, and Chevrolet. 

Despite the tone of this review, when I left the completely empty theater, I found myself more sad than angry. Red One cost 250 million dollars to make, with one-fifth of that going solely to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. You’d think that with a budget like that, I could glean something of value from the movie, but I just couldn’t find an element I enjoyed enough to mention. The only crumb of praise I can give is that the CGI was decent, but then again, one would hope that with a budget of 250 million, you could outsource the task to a quality production studio. Even that miniscule amount of positive recognition comes with the asterisk that the movie’s compositing of said CGI was rough at times. 

I wish I could say good things about this movie. I want to believe that buried under all the mediocre characters and product placement is a quality experience that someone could reasonably enjoy, but sadly I can not in good conscience recommend Red One.